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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26465536">Callouses</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowingends/pseuds/Willowingends'>Willowingends</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Badass Suki (Avatar), Burns, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jealousy, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Self-Harm, Self-Mutilation, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:22:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,719</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26465536</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowingends/pseuds/Willowingends</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Azula doesn't need her mother's soft words. She is not weak. She doesn't need anyone, anything. She has always been the strongest of the royal family and she will always stand alone.</p><p>Suki rises with the sun. She always has. Perhaps it has something to do with having two firebending soulmates. Maybe it has nothing to do with that at all. After all, she's never even heard a whisper of her sixth soulmate's prescience.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azula &amp; Suki (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Azula</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/20383669">The Family You Choose</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/TunaFishChris/pseuds/TunaFishChris">TunaFishChris</a>.
        </li>

    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Azula doesn’t need her mother’s quiet words. Not like Zuko does. She doesn’t need patterns poorly traced out on calligraphy paper, shapes in sharp black  that don’t give heart and emotion to the symbols they’re meant to reveal. Azula’s never been interested in what lies under the four burns the size of a grown man’s thumb in the center of her chest. She’s never felt any touch of phantom hands or comforting breezes. She has always been alone. And that’s perfectly fine to her young mind. Nine years old and she has already learned that human connections are weaknesses. Soulmates only drag you down, and she is blessed by her father for having removed from the chance of ever finding hers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was not weak. She was stronger than every child she knew. Nobler than Mai, stronger than Zuko, smarter than Ty Lee. She did not need the way they huddled together, how Ty Lee and Mai shared soft smiles as they compared soulmarks, sharp knives and bright pink cherry blossoms.  She had no interest in how Zuko’s head turned, following sensations only he could feel. It was all distractions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her chest did not ache, a monster did not curl there green-eyed and furious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was stronger than that, better than all that. Those were the words she whispered to herself when her mother offered again and again to draw her symbols, to help her practice them, remember them. Those were the words reminding her that it was a trap, that father would be displeased to learn that she had disobeyed his will. She was stronger alone. She would only consume those around her, like a roaring fire. She had to be ready and willing to burn all those around her and she could not do that if she was forced to care for soulmates.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Azula clung to the scars on her chest. Used them as the foundation for the walls she built. They became the base for every cruel act, every carefully placed word, every movement made on the board she could already see at such a young age. The Phi Sho board that had been placed before her by her father. And she learned how to ignore every thrum of pain that raced from her scars to her heart to her soul. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Father’s going to kill you.” Azula sings, a grin splitting her face even as pain splits the topmost scar on her chest. It is a stupid pain, one of weakness. Weak like her brother before her with his terrified face.  The pain will pass in time, she will ignore it. He will pass away sooner rather than later she is sure. He is weak kindling. He will burn and the burn of fire will always drown out the pain of a stupid soulmate’s fear. His tears don’t move her, her mother’s criticism only makes her snarl And when their grandfather is dead and their mother is gone, she smiles as Zuko demands answers. Because that temptation of learning, of knowing, has finally been removed. She is not hurt, she will not let the pain sting her as Zuko throws his temper tantrums move her. It has no hold over her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fire is a siren’s call and the only one she’ll adhere to.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>But Zuko’s emotions aren’t the only ones that she’s realized will make her scars itch (itch, never burn because burning is too pleasant a word for what she experiences. And never hurt because she is not weak, she will not call their emotions pain upon her soul). Whenever Mai showed up to their self-defense lessons with a face more closed off than usual it was always preceded by a cold itch under the scar on the left corner of the diamond. When Ty Lee’s eyes were puffy and she laughed louder than ever, Azula’s right corner ached. Azula values them too much as pieces on her board to cut them off, but she keeps them at a distance. Close enough to burn, far enough away that they will never douse her. They spend more time together than apart, and it only makes sense for the two of them to compare their soulmarks while she is with them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even as she laughs at them, they shine with such intensity that she has to look away. She is ten and her pout is a regal look on her noble face. Not the expression of a child she is sure, but a put upon lady subjected to childish games. Ty Lee brazenly bares her upper thigh, two symbols glinting against her skin with pigment so bright they could be fresh paint. A mirror cracked with blue lightning and a sharp throwing knife. A beautiful pair all things considered. And Ty Lee squeals because-- “Oh Mai and you just started learning how to fight with knives and I just know it's you I feel it! I feel it in my -- in my soul!” Her hands clasped to her chest and then she flung herself forward on to Mai’s lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other girl leaned back, her face a clear display of surprise and yet fondness as Ty Lee wrapped her arms around her. “I suppose that makes sense. Yes. But..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh I don’t expect you to get all mushy and soft with me! I’m just happy it means we’ll be friends forever!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Azula snorted and crossed her arms. “If you’re so confident why don’t you go ahead and bond then?” She asked sharply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh we should! And then we can do it every five years for the really hard parts. I bet I know which hands were yours through all those years! It all makes sense!” Ty Lee laughed brightly. “Come on Mai, get out one of your knives!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Azula looked away again as the two of them pricked their fingers and pressed them together. It was only a minute for her, but she wondered how much time, how many years, the other two traveled through in that moment. Then she bit her lip and shook her head. No. She didn’t care. She wasn’t jealous at all! Her nails dug into her arms as she traced the patterns on the stone walls.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh Mai!” Ty Lee’s voice cracked and Azula turned to look again as the slight girl threw herself again at the other, her eyes shimmering with tears as she squeezed the other tight. Mai’s hand gently came to lay on her shoulder, rubbing small circles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. We’re both here now. And will be together for much longer, I’m sure.” Her tone was solemn, neutral, but Azula could see a new fire of devotion burning in those deep black eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hated it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ty Lee’s smile was blinding and she closed her eyes against it. She shook her head as the girl held out a hand to her. “Come on Azula! You have to be our soulmate too!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. This one here.” Mai gently pointed at the mirror on Ty Lee’s leg. “I have it too. It must be you. You’re a member of the royal family, lightning is your bloodline’s hallmark.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have soulmates.” Azula laughed, scorn dripping from every inch of her being. “Continue your years of little games, I’ll keep my eyes on the future.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mai’s face falls the barest amount but Azula knows her well enough to see it. But Ty Lee simply laughs. Light like a bell, her hands fisted tight in her lap. “You talk too much like your father Azula. Our teachers won’t like that ambitious language when we return to the academy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Azula’s lip curls up in disdain. Her heart stutters and then restarts. What does it matter what they think? She knows the truth of herself, what she is capable of.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>She is eleven when she rises with the sun after a night of no sleep. The smell of Zuko’s burning flesh, the flash of fire, it fills her head still. It feeds a monster in her chest. One raised on pain and suffering, phantom aches and pains that it built its nest from. The sick and sweet of cooking meat still lingers in her nose, cloying and fueling the raging thoughts of the dragon in her chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She will burn it out. Hunt it down like the greatest warriors of the fire nation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Azula rises with the sun and finds her way to the bathing room, to the mirrors. She bares her chest and stares at the four scars on her skin. They are stretched from her years of growing, smaller now that her body is bigger. But they still mar her skin, like the scar that will form on Zuko's face. But they are different. So different. She must not think of them as ugly. They are a gift from her father while Zuko’s is a punishment. Her blood is pounding in her ears. The dragon in her chest rages. Anger that her father dared to hurt her brother, anger at Zuko for being a fool, anger at herself for finding enjoyment, relief in Zuko catching their father’s ire again and again. It is a stupid, brainless beast. She must silence it, must cease the movement of its wings against her ribs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She grits her teeth and lights her palm in that gorgeous blue. It jumps in her hand, a beautiful monster that she has tamed. In the mirror it stretches and morphs and reminds her of Ty Lee’s mark. It brings rage boiling in her hand, the fire burning hotter.  Azula locks eyes with herself in the mirror and presses the flames to the stretch of skin between the four marks. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurts</span>
  </em>
  <span> in the sweetest ways, the tears pricking her eyes are of joy. They have to be joy as she feels the dragon’s wings beat against her chest, racing and fighting as the fire burns hotter, the flames reach for it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The burning flesh smells like victory. She breathes it in in panting breathes as the fire burns hotter, as her teeth tea through her lip. Tears spill over down her cheeks but it is not until she tastes their salt that she pulls away her hand. Sticky flesh stretches between her hand and her chest and she sneers at it and sends fire licking along her palm again. The skin crisps and calmly Azula scarpes it off her hand. Then, carefully, with a flame so hot it eats the hair up her arm even though she only lights it on one finger, she traces out four harsh lines on the edge of the new burn. In the mirror she admires the diamond she has created.  The four soulmark scars form the corners and the dragon has been caged and destroyed within their confines.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The young girl is still standing there when her servants rise and come to wake her. The one who usually fixes her hair freezes and Azula’s eyes move to her in the mirror. Her finger never stops tracing the diamond as she grins at the woman. Sharp, threatening, and the woman turns and runs out of the room. Only a few minutes later her firebending teachers are entering the room and Azula imagines that they have banished all the servants from her room. It’s not like that will stop the whispers. And she’s glad for that gossiping nature of lowly servants.  Azula wants the entire palace to know that she has become heartless, more powerful than any of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She blinks calmly at Lo and Li. There’s a fierce joy to see surprise and shock on their faces that are usually only filled with disdain and dismissal. “Princess Azula,” Lo starts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What have you done?” Li finishes. Neither of them approach her, both are cowards though they have years of experience on her.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I should have had done at birth.” Her words are clear. She is not choked with pain. Euphoria flows through her veins. She has burned out her heart at the age of eleven, and she is the only noble child in the nation. She has never felt more powerful. She has never felt more whole.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The years pass and her cruelness grows. As her brother travels the world and she burns his letters as they come in, she blooms like a fire lily under the tutelage of her firebending masters and her father’s political guidance. Ty Lee and Mai fall into their proper places behind her and when they are sent out at the age of fourteen in pursuit of her brother, she is filled with delight. Confidence makes her shine as she takes control of a mission all her own. Ty Lee and Mai talk around her when they gather at night to discuss the move Azula believes should be their next. They listen to her but endlessly they turn to gentle probing, in Ty Lee’s manner, and blunt disinterest from Mai. And always, always, they cycled back to the same subject.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Azula, maybe after this port we can bond?” Ty Lee’s voice is soft, her hands folded around her feet as she stretches.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mai sighs, her head tilting back as she looks at the ceiling. “You ask every port, Ty Lee. When are you going to accept neither of us have ever felt a second pair of hands. We didn’t as kids, we haven’t yet. We never will. Either Azula isn’t our soulmate, or she just doesn’t care to bond with us. And that is-” her expression never changes, her tone never shifts, but Azula feels the sharp sting on the corner of her diamond, “fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Azula sniffs as Ty Lee’s face falls. At least one of the two of them has brains, but she doesn’t say it out loud. She simply dismisses their conversation as she always does. “The avatar is close, we need to keep following him. There has been a sighting of his bison. We’re going after it alone. We move faster when it’s just the three of us.” She says instead. Her eyes move to the map on the ship’s wall. They are headed to Ba Sing Se, which means her brother will be there too. Two sparrowflies, one fireball.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smirks and pushes through the uncomfortable tingling of her skin. Her scar is old, it itches, she pays it no mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>All this tracking, of days on the back of uncomfortable mongoose lizards, of tracking the stench filled fur of a lumbering beast for what? To be told by a girl playing dress up that she had been wasting time? That she had been so off base that she had delayed her true mission, risked disappointing her father, for nothing? Rage burned in Azula but she masked it with cold boredom and clever words. A tingle of fear, of cold determination ran across her heart’s prison. She grit her teeth and hid them behind a mocking smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Flinging herself off her mount’s back, she moved in practiced tandem with Mai and Ty Lee, but these girls playing warriors moved with the same amount of precision. The way they moved around her flames spoke of experience fighting against firebenders. Perhaps, as friends of the avatar, they were another set of people her brother had been too weak to defeat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Azula knew how to win though. The same way one won against any meager beast. Cut off the head and the body would collapse. And if this leader wanted to sacrifice herself to Azula’s blazing hands to defend the terrified bison then so be it. She follows the drawn sword with practiced ease, smirking as she dodges, finding a rush of delight as the other girl also seems to find a perverse pleasure in their dangerous dance. Their faces come so close she can see her own eyes reflected in those deep black. The dragon in her heart rouses. How long has it been since she faced such a capable opponent?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And after the heat of battle she will wonder if that question is about this Kyoshi warrior or herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the end it’s the other’s concern for her fellow warriors that does her in. A moment’s distraction, a fan swept to the side to deflect a thrown knife, and Azula sends fire racing up the girl’s skirt to trip her up. She lunged, pushing the girl over with a blast of fire that off-balanced her even more and Azula stood victorious, her foot digging into the girl’s chest. A jolt of pain seems to race through her leg, up to her chest, and linger like a poison on the only corner of her scar that she had never felt an ache from.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Like a cornered animal Azula bared her teeth at the Kyoshi warrior, rage and glee at victory masking the disgust and fear she felt at the realization that this, </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, was her fourth soulmate.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Suki</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you like my writing please come chat with me at willowingends on tumblr!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Suki rose with the sun. For as long as she could remember her mornings began with the soft pink and orange light flooding into her home. Rise early to do her stretches, rise early to do her chores, rise early to let out the hens and let in the pig-goats. The sunrise meant the beginning of the day and the time of safety to work on Kyoshi Island. The sunrise meant Suki would get no rest. And that worked for her. She was always on the go as a child. Doing what her mother could not, making up for her mother’s gimp leg from a fire nation attack that her mother had helped stave off. And in the evenings she would train with the other girls, don the make-up of a warrior in training and move through the graceful forms used for graceless bloodshed.</p><p> </p><p>In those early days Suki didn’t pay much attention to her soulmarks. She was thankful for the unseen but warm hands that adjusted her posture through exercises. Enjoyed the company of a cool soul in the evening hours when she learned how to cook. But the five different pairs that she recognized never really carried much weight in her mind. Either they were on the island or would be travelling merchants who came to her. She was the daughter of a Kyoshi warrior, and was bound to protect these people, this land. She would never leave. That’s what she had always believed, that was what a part of her wanted. To stay to this land where her connections ran deeper than any earthbender for her soul itself was tied tightly to this island. Tighter than any soulmate could hope to compete with. </p><p> </p><p>So she thought. </p><p> </p><p>When she is thirteen she experiences a night of agony. The lightning cracked pool and the rainbow flames burn. Fire races across her nerves, starting from those two colorful marks on her inner wrist going all the way to her heart. She twists and contorts on her bed, crying with a stick between her teeth. Her mother sits beside her, four hands brush her hair back, wipe the sweat from her brow, hold her hand in empathetic motions. One pair of hands clasps her hand so tightly it feels like a different flame will consume her. Their future selves are attempting to help her through a moment they have all shared. But where is her sixth? Is this the moment when the unknown stranger of her soul dies? Is that why she has never felt them?</p><p> </p><p>Tears course down her cheeks as the vibrant colors flick, fading. Her mother’s soft voice attempts to soothe her but is practical, always practical over emotional.</p><p> </p><p>“Suki, they’re dying. It’s time to cut them free.”</p><p> </p><p>She spat out the stick as the warm hand squeezed her hand in warning. “No!” She snarled at her mother, her tears salting the wound her mother had just cut. “They won’t, they aren’t! They’ll live. I know it, I know it.”</p><p> </p><p>They had to live so that she could meet them both.</p><p> </p><p>Her mother’s lips purse in judgment and she leaves the sharpened knife at Suki’s side. She stays through the night but does not apologize for her cold suggestion when, in the morning, the pain has faded to a dull throb and both marks have settled back to their vibrant hues. It is one of the rare days Suki does not get up to exercise with the other girls. She stays curled up in bed while her mother goes to train them. Her bloodshot eyes stare at her six symbols and she wonders, she wonders, and she yearns.</p><p> </p><p>They are not from the island, and they will never live here. Who will she meet that will care so much for her they will spend an entire night soothing away her pain. Who will she meet who will deny her?</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>At sixteen she still rises with the sun, but she rises alone. Her mother passed in the night only a couple months ago, leaving her the eldest Kyoshi warrior. Leaving her in charge. It’s a mantle that she likes to think she bears with nobility and fairness. It’s a mantle that weighs heavily when the Avatar and his friends arrive. They are children, in her eyes, infants who have seen more of the world, done more, than she ever has. She wonders if they feel it when they touch her, the familiarity of it all. The two water tribe members and the avatar, do they realize who they are to her?</p><p> </p><p>Do they have nightmares of that night three years ago like she does? </p><p> </p><p>When they leave she’s still left wondering about the three other marks on her arm. The cloudy eye, the flame and the mirror as she has come to know it as. The other three didn’t have the mirror, she had surreptitiously checked before they had left. It left her feeling uncertain, knowing that perhaps she alone had a sixth soulmate. </p><p> </p><p>But she doesn’t have time to dwell on it. There is a war going on, and the Kyoshi warriors must decide what their place is in it.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>She meets Toph and it makes sense. The stylized eye, the blind earthbender. She wants to laugh because it is so clear. It makes her smile and reassures Suki that her soulmates will be safe through all of this, because Toph refuses to bond with any of them until they come out on the other side of this war. It’s a wise move, and Suki wonders what has made the twelve year old so afraid to trust, so desperate to cling to a happy ending in her own way. But there is no time to ask. They’re on their way to Ba Sing Se, and she has more people to help. </p><p> </p><p>Finding Appa alone, hurt and fearful, is a blow to her heart. He is as much a part of Aang’s soul as she is, and it hurts to see him in such states. It’s an easy decision to attempt to help him. It is an easy decision to defend him from the firebender and her friends when they attack her warriors.</p><p> </p><p>It is a justified decision, as painful as it was, to have scared him away when the young girl’s foot is on her chest and blue flames reflect in her delighted face. Princess Azula, Suki names her now. The madness of the fire nation's royal family is clear to see, and it is fear that sends her heart racing as she is hoisted up by the ropes that have been tied around her arms. Her heart is racing, her blood singing, it’s been ages since she has felt so challenged. The fight with the princess was a challenge  and it had left Suki breathless in the strangest ways. Fear and frustration and pure delight. Delight to finally have her skills tested and to have a clever opponent who matched her move for move, quip for quip. This girl has been the first ever to smear Suki’s makeup in a fight and it’s as exhilarating as her first kiss, and it makes her sick.</p><p> </p><p>The phantom emotions haunt her in her jail cell. Held apart from the other Kyoshi warriors she has nothing to do but think. She tries to plan an escape, but the women here watch her closely. There is never a moment where there is not someone watching her, so Suki is left alone with her thoughts. Her soulmates’ hands don’t distract her here. All that consumes her is the memory of that thrill.</p><p> </p><p>How it felt like when she had taken down Sokka. Like when she had pulled Toph from the choppy waves.</p><p> </p><p>Like a soulmate passing her in the world between worlds.</p><p> </p><p>It is because of her focus on that feeling, the puzzling uncertainty if it is the rainbow flames or the lightning struck mirror that may represent the princess, that Suki doesn’t notice it at first. The tingle that becomes the ache and it is only when her eyes drift down her arm to the air glider at the end of her list of soulmates that she notices it is flickering, fading, dying.</p><p> </p><p>And then it goes dark.</p><p> </p><p>All the air escapes her lungs, escapes the room, and isn’t that terrifying? The wounded cry that breaks her silence is a hoarse thing. The mewl of a kitten lost in a world suddenly gone dark. She presses her fingers to the glider, covering it, hoping, praying, but when  she removes them the once brilliant orange is still a faded and murky brown, fading into her tan skin. There is a rushing in her ears and it is air coming back to her lungs in the sharpest, most ragged of breaths. There is water on her arm and it is tears, she realizes, tears from her own eyes. She finds the corner furthest away from the slot in the door and curls up into a ball. Her eyes focus on the glider, her lips moving in silent prayer to every benevolent spirit she knows. “Please, please no.” She pleads for the world.</p><p> </p><p>“Please, Aang. Don’t leave us.” She begs for herself.</p><p> </p><p>For what feels like days she stares at her arm, willing the beautiful orange to flood back into her skin. She begs the world for a miracle, just one more, as she has never asked for anything else. She never asked for her mother to return to her, she never even prayed for the avatar to return in the first place. But now she gives an offering of every tear that falls to the cold floor for some one, some thing, to hear her and show the smallest sliver of mercy to a world that had already lost hope once.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes are dry, her head resting on the metal now, her body stretched out in exhaustion when the sunlight begins to seep into her cell through the small opening at the very top of the wall. And as the sun’s rays crawl across the floor to her, so such does the orange slink back into her skin. Like an apologetic animal it moves slowly, but a sharp sob is cut off by her biting her tongue. Suki closes her eyes and offers a word of thanks to all the spirits in the world, and then she stands and faces the door. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” She calls, her voice hoarse and a smirk on her lips. She gets close to the door, close enough she can see the man’s face, close enough to reach out and touch the cold metal if she wanted to. “Do all Fire Nation men look like your Fire Lord, or does he get a special pass to be so ugly because he’s royalty?” There’s a flicker there, a curl of his lips, but it’s not enough. So she pushes. “Actually are you related? I can kinda see a family resemblance. Maybe it's the dull look in your eyes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Quiet you.” He growls and Suki smirks.</p><p> </p><p>“What, can’t handle listening to a little girl? I thought they put you over here because you were at least a little capable. But maybe that was their mistake. After all, it’s so difficult to guard a teenager.” She pouts her lips, her voice too soft, too cute, too mocking. Some people are just too easy to play. “Can you even bend? That’s the only reason I can think of for them to put you over here. You’re just a useless nonbender who they can’t trust with the real dangerous prisoners.”</p><p> </p><p>The moment when his temper snaps is clear. He turns sharply, fire bursting into life and Suki darts forward. The moment the flames hit the door as he yells at her to shut up she pushes her forearm against the metal. The heat is so intense that she weeps, it licks at her face and she bites through her lip. Copper trickles down her chin as she rips her arm away to the melody of his frantic voice calling her a crazy bitch. But it’s gone. The symbol of the glider has been replaced by an ugly misshapen burn. It oozes, the flame wasn’t hot enough to make the injury clean, but it’s done the job.</p><p> </p><p>Within the week her actions are justified. She’s practicing her forms when the cell door slides open. She doesn’t even take the time to look over, breathing through her movements and ignoring the hard eyes that she can feel focused on her. Only when her exercise calls for it does she turn her head, glance at the fire nation princess, and then dismiss her with the continued movement, the give and take of her muscles. Perhaps it was the wrong move, but it was so satisfying to watch the other’s eyes trace the movement of her arm, to widen and then narrow with fury. It’s almost worth it when the other grabs her by the collar of her ragged shirt and slams her against the wall.</p><p> </p><p>“Problem princess?”</p><p> </p><p>“Where is it!” The other’s hands are smoking on her shirt and Suki wonders vaguely what must be going wrong in her life to leave her feeling so unsteady, so uncertain. “The glider soulmark!  Why did you remove it? Are you trying to hide the truth from me?” Her hands, more calloused than they were in their first fight move from the collar. One grabs her wrist, jerking her arm up to pin it against the wall. Suki sees the moment where Azula notices the cracked mirror on her arm, sees how her face goes pale, how for a moment her body tenses. It’s the briefest of moments but hope floods into Suki’s heart. Maybe she’s wrong, maybe it is the rainbow flames she has never felt, not Azula. Maybe Azula’s hands are the warm ones of a firebender guiding her through her exercises since she was a little girl.</p><p> </p><p>It is a hope that is quickly dashed. Azula’s eyes shutter, her teeth point in a fierce snarl, and the moment of soft disbelief is gone. </p><p> </p><p>There’s nothing warm and comforting about these hands that touch her. As Azula’s fingers close around her chin and squeeze, Suki knows that this is her sixth soulmate. The set of hands she has never felt. The companion she has never known, will never know, judging by her past. And why, why she wants to scream out. In a moment of weakness, surrounded by the air of defeat, she just wants answers. After meeting most of the others, after knowing how precious they have become to her, Suki just wants to know why? Why would the universe burden her with a soulmate who was her enemy? An enemy so cold, so brittle, that she could shatter with the wrong word. An enemy so ignorant of herself that she wasn’t even aware of how thin a line she walked.</p><p> </p><p>Instead Suki just smirked at the other woman, the teenager, the girl. Spirits, she was younger than Suki herself. Catching that impulse of care between her teeth and biting it tight, she spoke with cold confidence, “Kyoshi warriors remove their past from them when they take up their fans, and we don’t keep around dead weight.” Aang’s invisible hands are soothing on her shoulders, bracing her and filling her with calm faith as she stares at Azula and musters all the cold sorrow that her mother’s death still evokes within her. “The Avatar is gone and so is my bond with him. Does that make you happy, monster?”</p><p>
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</p><p>Azula snaps her hand away, sending Suki’s head into the wall. “I’ll see you rot and enjoy every inch of flesh that slides off your bones.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, dark princess. You cut yourself often on those sharp words?” Suki’s eyebrow quirks upwards, the smirk hiding the ache that seems to ring like a bell through her hollow body. Soon enough she’s separated from the rest of her warriors, sent to a higher security prison. The Boiling Rock. There are whispers here that the guards have been personally threatened by Azula. Whispers that if any female prisoner is harmed the princess will come visit them herself to bring punishment upon them. The repeating cycle of hope coming alive only to die begins to exhaust Suki. She can’t keep living like this.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t tell Sokka anything when she meets him again at the Boiling Rock. She doesn’t want to derail his mission. She doesn't want to admit to him that a part of her wishes Azula would see the error of her ways, the pain of the weight that has been forced upon her shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>It aches. Her heart, her arm, her soul. It isn’t meant to survive like this but-- She’s strong, she’s resilient. If Azula never comes around to her senses, that’s okay. Suki will survive without her. She has all this time after all.</p><p> </p><p>It doesn’t stop the burn in her eyes when Azula attempts to stop their escape. It doesn’t stop the grinding of her teeth as sympathy pain flares up in her veins. She can’t let herself get distracted, not by that ringing laugh of disbelief, the mocking words as Zuko’s flames dance like with a rainbow hue through the air. She must have realized the same thing Suki has about the rainbow flame mark. Her laughter is sharp, it’s pained, and she wonders if anyone else hears it.</p><p> </p><p>She can’t get distracted, she reminds herself again, and swings her arm at the nimble girl in front of her. She can not allow herself to have her eyes drawn to the oh so familiar mirror flashing on the girl’s leg as she swings herself and dances across the roof. Can not consider what that means.</p><p> </p><p>As they travel back to the Western Air Temple, Suki can’t help but press her fingers to the same  mirror on her arm. It hurts, throbbing with every beat of her heart. She can see it in her mind’s eye, the utter look of betrayal, the echo of a heartbreaking, as Azula’s two friends turned against her. She can feel how the rage battles with pain through the mark, but she can’t offer help.</p><p> </p><p>She knows now, no matter how this war goes, Azula will never accept help from her soulmates.  And it breaks Suki’s heart. </p><p>
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</p><p>Peace is a long time in coming, but the war has been over for years. Suki still finds the sun’s rays a greeting to her waking eyes. Even knowing she will rise early, she can not find sleep tonight. The moon slinks through the sky and the woman sits in the courtyard of the Fire Nation’s royal palace. Her fingers card through Ty Lee’s hair, the slight woman’s head resting in her lap as she snores. Mai had excused herself with the rising moon, but had left one of het sharpened knives at Suki’s side. For her part, Suki sits her silent vigil. The lightning on her arm is fading, the mirror becoming dull. She will not sleep until its light has gone out.</p><p> </p><p>It has been years since Azula disappeared into the wastes, but even before that Mai and Ty Lee had known her. They had gotten a chance to make peace with the fact that the woman would never fill the hollow spots of their lives. But Suki had never gotten that chance, had never had time to speak to the disgraced princess, had never made peace.</p><p> </p><p>This was her chance. She wondered if she was the only one left sitting by Azula’s side while she died. Was anyone with her physical body? Was she alone? Angry? Defeated? Scared?</p><p> </p><p>Azula had just been a child, the same as the rest of them when all this started. Suki still wonders some days, wonders especially tonight, how she and Azula might have helped one another. They were both clever, sharp of tongue and both had become leaders too young. If she had reached out, if she had tried, would she have kept Azula from her fate tonight? </p><p> </p><p>“You’re not going to make it any easier if you keep watching it.”</p><p> </p><p>The voice didn’t startle her. Fire Lord Zuko moved like a ghost but as one of his guards she had learned how to sense him. Or perhaps it was the fact his phantom hand faded from her shoulder as he came to stand beside her. She patted the earth at her side, welcoming him to sit. “Mai told you then?”</p><p> </p><p>His voice was soft, tired as he settled beside her. “She didn’t have to.” He tapped the front of his shoulder, the space she knew six scars represented six souls. “I can still feel her.”</p><p> </p><p>Suki’s eyebrows swept upwards, “You never told us.”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged. “Didn’t seem important. Even when I saw that you had the same mark as Mai and Ty Lee, I didn’t want to bring it up. I knew Azula… I knew us talking about how we were both bonded with her would just.. Make it more aggravating.” He lifted a hand, hovering over her arm questioningly, and she brought the smooth skin up to meet his fingers. He traces the shape on her arm and she can feel how he trembles. Was this the first time he had ever touched his sister’s mark? Now? As it flickers under his fingers and his eyes become so solemn. </p><p> </p><p>“There was never a time she would have been willing, was there?”</p><p> </p><p>He shook his head but didn’t speak and Suki fell silent as well. Her eyes don’t follow his finger, instead turning to the sky. It’s beginning to lighten, she notices, and it becomes hard to breathe around the knot in her throat.  She was meant to be a protector. She wasn’t a healer like Katara, no, but if she had reached out, if she had tried, maybe --</p><p> </p><p>“Suki.”</p><p> </p><p>She turned her head sharply. If he tried to comfort her in his awkward way, if he tried to tell her it wasn’t her fault, she would tear into him. She knew that, she knew not to blame herself for every death of a person she knew, felt responsible for but --- But sometimes it was easier to blame herself than to blame the person she was losing. But he didn’t say a word, his eyes wet but not weeping as he held out the sharpened knife Mai had left.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes flicker down and a soft sob catches in her throat. The lightning has gone black, the cracked mirror looks whole in its uniform shade. But she doesn’t hesitate. </p><p> </p><p>Azula is a part of her past now. A part she never got to experience, but a part all the same. And she, above everything else, is a Kyoshi warrior. And they do not carry the burdens of their past. Gripping the knife tightly, she slices. The skin is caught from the edge of the blade by a rainbow flame that licks away at the flesh, and then soothes across the red skin and blood she had exposed. She closes her eyes as Zuko burns away any evidence of her act, making a much neater scar than the one that had protected Aang. For his sake she pretends the tears she feels on her wrist are her own. For his sake she leans against him and weeps for the memory of a broken girl.</p><p></p><div class="yj6qo">
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